When I know that I have a party coming up where I will make unhealthy food choices I pack my own food with me. Because I know me, not only will I eat the brownie and icecream. I’ll sneak another brownie and more icecream when people aren’t around. I cant just have one taste, I feel like I have to have the entire thing, like I will never eat food again. If I don’t taste the unhealthy food, I wont eat more.

I don’t feel weird eating my veggies at dinner because at least they know i’m eating. I don’t want to lose weight and people think that I am not eating. That happened this past summer. I went on vacation with my sisters and I ordered a ceaser salad with grilled chicken. No cheese, no croutons and dressing on the side. The waitress got it all wrong so I only ate the grilled chicken. Then at the store on the way home I grabbed an apple to snack on and my sister said “is that all you are getting?” My sisters know of my past and as soon as we got back they told my mom that I wasn’t eating.

In fact, I was eating. I just made healthy decisions….If only I could make those all of the time.

I am feel pretty crappy. My throat hurts, my body is sore, and I am coughing. I didn’t get up and go to the gym like I had planned. If I feel better I may squeeze a workout in before or after my niece’s birthday party. Well, I really hope to be able to.

Picture 011

Tomorrow is my youngest niece’s 4th birthday!

I know all about the treats that are going to be there, cake and unhealthy food choices. So I prepped my food for dinner tomorrow already

-spaghetti squash with zucchini, kidney beans and mushrooms

Dessert for me is going to be Vegan pumpkin cookies

  • 1 cup canned pumpkin
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 1/3 cup applesauce
  • 3 cups oatmeal
  • 1 1/2 cups flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp nutmeg
  • 1/2 tsp ginger
  • 1/2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 tsp ground cloves


Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix together the pumpkin, sugar and applesauce.

In a separate bowl, combine the remaining ingredients, then add to the pumpkin, mixing well.

Drop by spoonfuls onto a baking sheet. Bake for 13-15 minutes or until done.
My batch made about 4 dozen. * I added raisins to 1 dz of them

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 25 g
Amount Per Serving
Calories :64, Calories from Fat: 5

I finally lost the 6lbs I gained back during my binges, now just to lose the other 2lbs and i’ll feel all better. 🙂

Halloween: I worked 14 hours. Boo! But at work I dressed up at Salt and my coworker was Pepper

Next topic…Becoming Vegan. My boyfriend was watching the History channel and how you make pork rinds…I was sick to my stomach and have been looking into becoming vegan. I have not eaten any meat, dairy or eggs in 2 days. Everytime I think “it was just a little thing”, my stomach gets upset and I really don’t feel like eating much. I’ve been researching it for the past 2 days. So anyway, if my diet lacks meat, dairy and eggs- this is why.

My breakfast was boring this morning.

1/3 cup of oatmeal w/cinnamon and a banana= 235

This morning I am trying an abs class and power yoga with my friend beth- i’m a wee bit scared, but i’ll update and let you know how it went.


-abs went well, i could definately feel it. Thumbs up to ab class
-power yoga- ouch! my arms hurt. my wrists hurt. i feel good. 🙂 i actually did the class. I couldnt get one move correct, i need to practice it at home.

…I hate feeling like i’m getting sick. ugh

Tomorrow is officially November! Whoop whoop. Time to get down to the nitty gritty. School work and losing weight. I was actually told the other day that I had “a pretty face”. Ugh. So time to lose weight, and KEEP IT OFF. I need to make a running plan and stick to it.

I have learned that sometimes in life you have to make big decisions. Yesterday I made a few big decisions which included::

A. To take a new job or stay at my current job- I choose current job
B. How to celebrate my raise- high calories or healthy- I choose high calories (with the help of the Boyfriend)
C. Which icecream to get a the store- Bryer’s 1/2 gallon or skinny cow bars- I choose Bryer’s (it took a good 5 minutes in front of the freezer)
D. To get the candy corn or not- I choose candy corn (after I put it back 3 times!)
E. Eat the entire 1/2 gallon or not- I ate it all
F. Throw away the candy corn or not- threw it away

I made 2 good decisions in my entire day. TWO! I don’t know why my binge eating starts, I do not know how to control the cravings and to say “no” to myself. I bought a book that is supposed to help, so I am going to continue reading it.

Things I am going to do:

-stick a picture to my fridge
-create a journal
-follow tosca reno’s clean eating plan A
-exercise and stop making excuses

Things I ate from 3pm til 8pm:
– 3 fiber one bars (420 calories)
-3 string cheeses (180 calories)
-slice of pizza (400 calories)
-candy corn (300 calories)
-1/2 gallon of icecream (1200 calories)

That is 2,500 calories- 2 days worth of calories consumed in 5 hours. How? Why?

It is the worst feeling in the world. There is self-loathing, uncomfortable fullness, shame, guilt, sadness and anger.

Off to conquer this.

Today has been full of surprises for me.

First I get to work and coffee overflowed EVERYWHERE. We wear white or black shirts to work and today I happened to wear a white one and had a coffee stain on my SHOULDER! So all day people were asking “what happened to your shirt?”. I wanted to scream. But this morning as coffee was flying everywhere and people were calling in late, I was thinking to myself “I can’t wait to leave this place”, then 2 minutes later, my boss told me she had a question for me, but she was kinda nervous about asking it.

Well…if you ever want to make someone cry, just come to moi. All you have to do is raise your voice or tell me you are nervous about asking me a question and tears will come to my eyes.

So I said okay, but please don’t make me cry, not this morning. She said that she knew I was supposed to be leaving there in 2 weeks, but asked if I would stay, if she gave me a raise. She wasn’t talking about a dollar raise, or two dollar raise. Today I got a $6 raise.

Of course, good things don’t last long. I had to tell the other employers that I could not longer accept the postition, sounds easy right? WRONG. The person that put a good word in for me is my AUNT. So, I went to the office and told her and she froze, and said she understood. I left feeling sad and like she was mad at me. I called the office because I had to tell the management of the office (no way was I asking my aunt to be the messenger), my aunt got on the phone and said that she was in shock, and sorry for being short. She assured me that I was doing the right thing and she would also do it. But I cried, because I am not good at letting people down and I feel like I let her down.

I do not get any help for school whatsoever, its all up to me to pay my bills, school and books, which is A LOT of $$.  If only I had a money tree…

Okay anyway, eats for the day

For breakfast I had Van’s organic blueberry waffles with pumpkin butter! HMMM sooo good. And kiwi and blueberries on the side.

Then I had almond butter and an apple. For lunch I had a veggie burger with a banana.

You know who I want to become friends with? ABBY. (Biggest Loser) She is such a great woman, I mean for goodness sake, she SMILES when she CRIES! She is so generous, loving, caring and inspirational. I do not know by any means the amount of heartache she went through when she lost her family but she still gets up every day and she knows who she is.  If you don’t watch Biggest Loser, click here to learn about ABBY.


Today is an early day at work, which is why I am up so early (4:10am) and I have to go to the gym after work.

To Do:
-finish a chapter of my classwork
-dinner for the Boyfriend and I
-go to bed early since I had an early morning

#1 Goal today:: Get up when the alarm goes off at 6:30 (Check!)
#2 Goal today:: 1 hour of community service (Check!)
#3 Goal today:: Gym it after community service (Check!)
-I ran 2.64 miles in 27 minutes for a pace of 10.13…It felt sooo good I haven’t ran in a long time. (…like 5 days!)
#4 Goal today:: Finish 2 chapters of online classwork

I have a question for all you runners out there? Should I or should I not exercise twice in one. Let’s say I wanted to do 30 minutes on the elliptical in the morning but also wanted to sneak a run in, would that be okay or pushing it? (I am a non-runner who is trying to run her first 5k)

Last night I made a breakfast cookie: (inspired by Meghann)
1/2 cup of oats
some baked apple
homemade applesauce (no sugar added)
1/2 scoop of vanilla protein powder
Almond butter

I put it in the fridge overnight and this morning plopped it in the micro for 20 secs and bam! Breakfast! I’m not going to lie…I was a wee bit scared.


Mine did not look nearly as appetizing as the one I saw on Meghann’s page..BUT it was very, very tasty.
Breakfast:: 310calories

Snack I had banana and Clif bar = 205

Lunch will be  Chobani pineapple yogurt (140), Kashi h2h (120) and an apple (95), Almond butter (90)= 445
*I may also have a cookie or 2! (174)

On my way to PA to get some Danskos for my new job! (Check!)

For dinner I tried acorn squash with applesauce and I had 2 oz of chicken (50), spinach & tomato (15) AND butternut squash(40)  I only ate the 1/2 the applesauce out of the acorn squash and a bite or 2 of the acorn squash itself.

The Boyfriend usually has school on Tuesday nights but he had to go to NJ for work today so he is pretty beat. He is asleep on the couch and I am HOPING to get some school work finished!

I was in the mood to bake so I made Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies. Yummmm. This was the first time i’d ever made/see/ate them.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

  • 1 cup canned pumpkin puree
  • 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 1/2 cup butter or trans-fat-free margarine
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tsp. baking soda
  • 1 tsp. milk
  • 1/2 cup white whole wheat flour
  • 1-1/2 cups unbleached white flour
  • 2 tsp. baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp. salt
  • 1-1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
  • 1/4 tsp. ground cloves
  • 1/4 tsp. nutmeg (did not have)
  • 1 Tbsp. pure vanilla extract
  • 1 cup semisweet or dark chocolate chips
  • 3/4 cup chopped walnuts (did not use)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray two cookie sheets with nonstick spray. In a large bowl, cream together pumpkin, sugars, butter and egg. In a small dish, dissolve baking soda into milk. Set aside. In a separate bowl, stir together flours, baking powder, salt and spices. Add baking soda mixture to flour mixture.

Add flour mixture to pumpkin mixture, stirring until just combined. Be careful not to overmix or the batter will get tough. Add vanilla extract, chocolate chips and walnuts. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto prepared cookie sheets. Bake 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned.

Makes 24. Per serving: 174 calories, 8 g fat, 0 trans fat, 19 g cholesterol, 194 mg sodium, 2 g fiber, 2 g protein, 34% Vitamin A, 4% Calcium, 6% Iron

I made mine smaller so I had about 40 cookies…I gave the big ones to the Boyfriend’s parents. 🙂

I had 2 small cookies = 174 calories (give or take because I didnt have walnuts and I made my servings 1/2)

For dinner I had 1 whole zucchini, 2 plum tomatoes, mushrooms, and a banana (no pic) = 163 calories


I kept my dinner small since I knew I would eat cookies. I made the Boyfriend chicken parmigana for dinner (no pic 😦 )

I also cut up apples that the Boyfriend’s parents brought me up a couple days ago, a sprinkled cinnamon on them and baked them for about 20 minutes with water in the bottom of the pan.

They are soft and delicious!