Ever wake up and know it is going to be a great day, and then suddenly…it is ruined?

I have always been aware of my weight, I always watch calories, I usually exercise 3-5 times a week, but I always, always BINGE.

Bingeing is a scary thing.It makes me sad. It makes me hate myself. This is how it happens for me.

1) I get a craving: I want something sweet, or salty.
2) I resist the craving for a good half hour to hour
3) In the meantime, all I can think about is the food I want, the brand, the flavor I want, how it tastes
4) I finally give in, and then I eat everything I see in sight.

Today this happened…it is what ruined my day. I work at a bakery and haven’t eaten any of their sweets for a month until today…One large cookie turned into another large cookie, then bites of my friends cookie at work, then I took home a lemon bar (had 1/6 of it), then I ate 3 handfuls of cookies I have at home, 2 lime bars, 3 large handfuls of Tostitos tortilla chips and 2 handfuls of Chex cereal. Then I fell asleep.

I am angry at myself. I am sad that I gave in. I am disappointed that I am not stronger. I am BEAUTIFUL. I deserve to love myself everyday when I look in the mirror. I can make healthy decisions. I know how to make healthy decisions.

This is my journey of good days and bad days with eating. This is my journey of losing twenty pounds. This is my journey of NEW THINKING.